Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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