I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
me + whiskey = a bad person
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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