Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
