I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We are all done wearing pants today
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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