Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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