I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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