I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
