I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
