I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This house was built for laser tag.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
