ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
