did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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