That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
