So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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