party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
