There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize