The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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