i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
