I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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