Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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