He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
