Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
