you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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