You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
