Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
