We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
