you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My bed smells like the plague
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize