is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Randomize
