i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
