Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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