so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
