hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
