A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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