if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Please don't give away my fajitas
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize