The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
you never un-have a 4some
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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