i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i drank out of a bidet.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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