i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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