The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
