Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
