weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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