It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
