so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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