I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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