He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
