I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
