it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
