Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
