he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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