It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
