mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
