she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
