I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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