my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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