So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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