Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
