The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
