So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
