i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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