I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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