You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
