Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
