I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
