oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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