At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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