Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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