Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
