saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
