On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
