May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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