My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
