carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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