I think my fart just growled at me.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
