It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize