Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
