Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
