Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
