good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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